“There is more to us than we know, if we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives we will be unwilling to settle for less.” Kurt Hahn
I left home a hurt, broken and destroyed 16yr old, over 20yrs ago and today I write knowing that much of my hurt and pain has been healed. I write knowing that so much of my life has changed and I have so much freedom. I write knowing that now I can breathe and live life instead of living terror.
Trauma has been a word following me around for so long, pain has been my clothing. I have felt vulnerable and exhausted by nightmares and flashbacks. I have relived and remembered so much of the abuse and violence done to me as a child and now I am on the other side. I am no longer defined by the abuse, no longer living in the trauma and nightmare of the aftermath, aftershock of it. I am now living life knowing I have made it through so much. I have survived the abuse and violence itself, I have survived the shame, I have survived the results of abuse and violence. I have learnt to believe in love, trust people. I have learnt that there can be joy and happiness, fun and laughter and I still stand.
Like one who stands after being constantly shaken I stand in disbelief that I am still here. I am me and I am still here!!!
I am free. I have hope and I feel good!!!
Fear no longer holds me captive. He no longer controls my thoughts, my body or actions. He has no say in how I live, who I speak to or how I dress.
I am no longer a lonely hurt little girl now I am a survivor, a wife, and able to love those around me. I am still Hannah, I am able to be more me than ever before. More the fun loving, free spirited, rebellious, loving butterfly, Hannah. I am me but I am also one who lives the struggle, fights for the sake of others, speaking for those who have no voice. That’s what this blog is about. Follow me as I continue to speak about violence against women, freedom of belief, mental health and other themes in my book. Hope you’ll join me on this new part of my journey and enjoy the read…